When my son Zach was diagnosed with osteosarcoma (bone cancer) in his left hip at the age of 14, his life became a lot like our pandemic world. Almost everything changed from how he did school (classroom to on-line classes), to the people he spent time with (friends to nurses and doctors), to where he lay his head at night (home to hospital).
During his 3 ½ year battle with cancer, Zach taught me valuable lessons about how to do life when it becomes a struggle. Here are few of those lessons.
- Do things you love even when you’re miserable and scared (social distant and safe, of course).
My husband Rob and I picked Zach up from school one afternoon to take him for an MRI. He’d been in pain for a few months and physical therapy wasn’t helping, so it was time to figure out what was going on. After an injection into his left hip with a nine-inch needle, Zach had to lay perfectly still in a raucous MRI machine for an hour. When he emerged, he looked like a cat who’d been dunked in water. He wasn’t happy.
Zach sat across the waiting room from me when the doctor called on the lobby phone. It’s a tumor, it’s bad, it’s going to be a hard year, I heard the doctor say. My legs went weak as I walked across the room wondering what words I would use to share this devastating news with my son.
“They found a tumor. We don’t know what it is yet, but it’s not good.” I said. Zach turned his face away and did his best to hold back tears.
We returned home that evening around dinner time and as I sank into a chair in our living room, Zach ascended the stairs from his bedroom his guitar slung over his shoulder.
“I’m going to my guitar lesson,” he said as he walked out the door with his older brother. I watched as they hoped in the car and drove away.
Stunned, I admired Zach’s refusal to let the devastating news hold him back from doing the thing he loved. Right from the beginning he was determined to live life even when it was heavy and difficult.
Zach taught me how to put limits on how much of the chaos of the world I allow into my life. When I get stressed and distracted, I make changes that allow more room for the things I love most like my family, good books and meditation.
- Be grateful no matter how hard things get.
It was Zach’s fifth chemotherapy infusion, and we would be in the hospital for at least three days. The hospital was crowded so we needed to share a room with a young boy, around 9 years old, who also had osteosarcoma. With just a curtain to separate us, we could easily hear this boy and his mother working on homework together.
As we listened, Zach said to me, “Mom, if I had to die so that little guy could have his childhood back, I would do it.” Rather than focusing on what he’d lost – carefree teen years – he was choosing to be grateful for the carefree childhood he’d had.
My heart filled with an unnamed emotion of both heartbreak, joy and immense love that squeezes and swells a parent’s heart when their child, despite their suffering, chooses gratitude.
Zach taught me that no matter how much we are suffering, there is always something to be grateful for. Click To TweetZach taught me that no matter how much we are suffering, there is always something to be grateful for.
When I find myself frustrated and impatient with the circumstances in my life, I’m happier when I refocus on all that I have. It helps me keep perspective and changes the tone of my whole day.
- Don’t let fear stop you from embracing the adventure of life.
About a month after we found out that Zach was terminal, he was asked to do an interview for a radiothon fundraiser. He saw it as an opportunity to do something meaningful for other kids who would be diagnosed in the future, so Zach agreed to participate.
When the radio station found out that he played guitar, they asked if he would play and sing a song that they could air along with the interview. Zach was on board; the only problem was he wasn’t a good singer.
He was nervous, and I was worried. So, on the way to the recording studio, I told him it was no big deal, and he didn’t have to do it.
“Mom,” he said, “If I don’t do this now, when am I ever going to get the chance?” He had a look of determination on his face.
If Zach had listened to me and forgone the opportunity because he didn’t think he was good enough, the world would have never heard his song “Clouds.” It was that recording session that led to “Clouds” being played on the radio for the first time and the video of the song going viral.
Zach taught me that big things can happen when I have the courage to step out of my comfort zone.
I try not to let my own self-doubt keep me from sharing what I have with the world. Now, when doors open, I do my best to walk through them. And if they close, I take the time to reflect and meditate to prepare for doors that may open in the future.
Life can get turned upside down at times. But we all have a choice about how to do this thing. We can decide to muddle through with an attitude of despair, sadness, and fear. Or we can choose hope, gratitude, and courage and maybe even make the world a little better for it.
